SOMNIA INBOX

[dethangel]

Talk to Toki!!!

Comments

for the One Protection Squad (week 3ish)

[dethangel]

[A bit after the power comes back, when there's been time to settle from the fight, there's a panicked Murmur message from Toki, half-breathless, emotional. There's a deep sadness emanating from his words, as well as sheer confusion.]

Guys something's wrong with One something's really really really really wrong with One he's being a big stupid douchebag what do we do?

[sorte]

[ Aventurine's presence shows up like he crawled out of a pile of blankets (which in reality he may have.) Mentally, there is that groggy 'just-woke-up' sensation from his end of the murmur— yes he's been enjoying hot showers and "luxury" naps (anything is luxury compared to they had before!!) ]

Oh... what happened? [ Toki's actually calling One "stupid" and "douchebag," must be pretty bad. ]

[dethangel]

I... he... he's being a fucking jerk!

[This isn't very helpful, but he's still trying to put it all together. He barrels right over the groggy feeling from Aventurine's side, because he's still in kind of a panic.]

I asked if he wanted to see if these amps work, 'cause of the power, and he's being really fucking mean about it!

[sorte]

[ totally okay, Aventurine seems to just roll with the punches. (if only we could start getting some decent coffee or other caffeine beverages now we would be really cooking with gas with here!)

Aventurine is also well used to Toki's way of wording things and not always being the clearest when answering questions. ]

Is he in an unusually bad mood about something? I thought he would be in better spirits with us making progress to get back his friend.

[dethangel]

I thought he'd be happy too!

[It's part of why he was so excited to talk to him.]

But he's just... he said all this really fucking evil shit about me... like he thinks I want to be special for being his friend????

[sorte]

[ oh hold up. ]

Special for being his friend? One isn't exactly winning any awards in the most sought after friend category...

[dethangel]

I don't know! It was so different from how he usually is!

[Toki's confusion permeates everything he says.]

He... he said I wasn't his friend. And... he doesn't want me.

[sorte]

[ Aventurine listens and is quiet initially before it feels like a reassuring kiss to the temple like a parent might give a child that's upset. Aventurine's voice is more alert, his part of the tether attempting the best he can to offer some kind of comfort. Even if Aventurine doesn't understand why One is so important to Toki, he recognizes it well enough and he certainly recognizes the confusion and rejection as someone who has been rejected all his life due to his race and racial prejudices against him. So, of course, even if he can't understand the full picture, he understands the feelings bouncing through the tether. ]

I'm sorry he was like that, Toki. Try not to take it to heart, though. Either something is wrong with him as you said or he's trying to protect you in his own way and doesn't know anything better. [ or both. ]

I don't think One is as deserving of so many people's sympathies and friendships as he's received so far, but my gut feeling on him is not that he doesn't want you. He's very scared and is probably afraid of losing you. It hurts less to throw something or someone away than it does to have them ripped from you.

When the others get here, we can try and figure out what to do.

[dethangel]

[At least Toki's got his other friends. It's always been so hard for him to make friends outside of his band, which is probably why he clings so hard to any friendships he can get, but here he's been doing so well.

Nobody else is treating him like he's a "pest." He allows himself to relax a little, his confusion never receding but he's not panicking so much.]

Yeah... yeah, okay.

[He sighs.]

He seemed so... serious about it.

[sorte]

Did he feel very closed off emotionally, in a different way than usual to you? It's very possible Sleep has greater influence over him now ... although, I have to wonder why She would let him reach out towards his friend.

[dethangel]

Y-yeah, I think? Sort of. He was... I think he was getting mad.

[Maybe Sleep let him answer just so he could be a jerk?]

Especially because... in the dream, he was... he was my horse. He wanted to help.

[merged]

[ The panic in the message has her sitting up, leaning immediately into the Murmur connection between them. Concern strikes first, a needling worry, but it ebbs as Toki speaks.

Huh. ] He did sacrifice himself last month. I'd probably be a bit of a stupid douchebag in his shoes, too, but... [ That's not an excuse. Plus, she doesn't like the idea of One being mean to Toki of all people. ] How big a stupid douchebag is he being? Do you want me to berate him?—because I'm down to yell at him for you.

[dethangel]

I know, but I thought maybe he'd want to jam or something, you know, do something a little fun now that the power's kind of working? And he was so fuckin' mean about it!

[Like, what better way to make someone feel better after a sacrifice, right? Except not, apparently.]

He... he called me a pest.

[Big douchebag behavior!!]

But... I don't want him to start being a douchebag to you too...

[sorte]

Did he seem angry by the turn of events or simply you wanting to spend time with him?

[dethangel]

He... he was angry 'cause I said he was nice? I think? Maybe?

[He's not so sure which particular part made him so angry, just that something did.]

[sorte]

Hm... Do you think you could share your conversation with me through the Murmur? If it's too personal, I understand.

[dethangel]

No, it's... it's fine. Here.

[He thinks back to it, and hands it over when he's sure he's got it.]

[licensetotrill]

A stupid douchebag?

[ Oh no this sounds familiar. Jaskier has danced this dance before. ]

How, exactly?

[dethangel]

He said all this really shitty stuff to me! Like... like... like a stupid douchebag!

[longwillows]

[Toki's distress is chill and sour across the well-braided cord of their tether; Kalmiya's initial response is alarm, until he mentions One. It's at that point that the surprise abates, though not the warm concern for her friend's emotional state.

Softly:] We take a deep breath, first of all.

[She's more worried about Toki than One in this moment.]

[dethangel]

[A deep breath, okay, he can do that. Kalmiya's presence is always appreciated, always helpful, and it's easy for Toki to follow her advice. He breathes in, then he breathes out.

Okay. So far so good.]

Okay... now what?

[longwillows]

[Their tether and the Murmur answer the breath; in and then out, in tandem with Toki—a swelling, slowing thing that fills the chest and relaxes the muscles.

There is the sensation of reassurance, a hand stroking hair.] Now, can you elaborate? Was he violent, or just unkind? Or possessed, perhaps?

[Toki may not know the specifics of the circumstances, but he made an emotional connection with One. His intuition for One's actions will be informative even if it's not exact.]

[dethangel]

He... well, I don't know if he was violent, 'cause I was just talking to him with the mask, so he couldn't punch me or anything.

[Kalmiya's presence is helping, at least, he's relaxing a bit, although the whole thing's still pretty sore in his mind.]

He... I asked if he wanted to see if these amps I had work, 'cause you know how the power's back and everything? And first he said no so I thought maybe he might want to later and... [deep breath, deep breath,] he was a fucking asshole dickhead jackoff!

[DEEP BREATH.]

He called me a pest!

[longwillows]

[Hm.] Violence doesn't need to land to be felt.

[That said, her voice quiets for a moment, though not the wildwood rustling that is characteristic of active thought at her end of the tether. She's considering what he has told her; considering, and then venturing, stroking along threads of the Murmur to see if one leads to anything enlightening.

After a few seconds, she tugs at the end of one thread and then offers it to Toki. There is no immediate elaboration, allowing for him to absorb the full memory of the exchange, but something like sadness settles into the context that surrounds this goodbye, so gentle in contrast to what Toki has just described.]

[dethangel]

[Toki observes. Even if One's pulling away here, he's not... being mean. Not really. Not the way he was.]

He was so... he helped me, he was... he was my horse, you know, in the. In the big dream thing. He helped me get out. He was... still really nice. And now...

[He shoves the conversation into the space between them, swallowing hard.]

Something's really wrong.